Sometimes, but more than usual lately, I start getting that "feeling". You know... the one Moms get when they have spent more time acting like Mommy than they have anything else. The feeling that you might possibly be just a Mommy and nothing more. Your day begins with dirty diapers and Elmo and it ends with the same thing. There isn't a moment of thinking about anything else besides children and dishes and laundry. The days when you put your pajamas back on after showering (if you shower) because there is no reason to wear nice clothes around the house for your kids to spit up on and rub their snot on. There isn't a phone call from a friend, or even your own mother. There isn't anything fun planned in your days for the next week or more. Your husband leaves before the sun comes up and comes home a few minutes before you get to put the kiddos in bed. The most intelligent person you talk to that day is your three year old. And you feel your brain going soft because of all the baby talk and lack of stimulation. You are pretty sure everyone else in the world has a glamorous and exciting life. Everyone except for you. And your youth is slowly going down the drain with every old bottle and sippy cup you find under the bed.
But then you sit down and actually write down how you are feeling. And writing it down makes you realize how rediculous and pathetic you sound. And you start to talk to yourself like a crazy person. "Snap out of it, Miriam. You have a degree. You are talented in many things. But the thing you are most proud of is your children and your motherhood. So stop complaining. You are lucky to be able to be home to enjoy it. Why are you talking to yourself? You have finally lost your marbles." And after the psycho ramblings are over you decide to make a list of goals and things you are grateful for to get your mind off of your self pity....
1. I am grateful for a husband who works his tail off to ensure that we are well taken care of.
2. I am going to write some thank you notes this week
3. I am going to invite a friend over for hot cocoa and grown up conversation tomorrow
4. I am grateful for Adney's night light because it helps him sleep
5. I am grateful for Cammon's sweet smile
6. I am going to get all dressed up on Monday, even if I don't have anywhere to go
7. I am grateful for my camera- it captures so much happiness.
ok... sorry if that scared you. haha. But if you have kids.... you get it.
5 comments:
I totally get it!
Definitely invite someone over for that cup of cocoa. They will love you for it!
k i actually loved reading this. so glad you didn't delete it. : ) and if you're crazy then i guess that means i'm crazy with you, cause this totally spoke to me and i'm not sure why. love you!!
p.s. i'm totally going to invite someone over for hot cocoa now, too!! love that idea!
Thanks for posting! We ALL feel like that at some point (or pointS)! It's nice to read someone else is so that we all don't feel crazy!!! :)
Yup. Totally, totally get it. (Well, to a degree, having only one kid.)
You just wrote almost exactly what I have written in my personal journal right now. Seriously, it's a little freaky. Thanks for sharing though. Makes me feel much more normal and much less pathetic. Lately I've been feeding into that notion that I'm nothing more, and it's driving me bonkers! Why do we do that to ourselves?? Why do we belittle our ENORMOUS accomplishments as Mothers and Wives? Well I think you're marvelous and I guess I'm pretty swell too. Maybe we should drink hot cocoa together sometime?
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