Do you ever get that feeling that everything is perfect... but not for long? Like the skies are sunny and beautiful above you, but behind the next fluffy cloud is a horrible tempest waiting to ruin your picnic? I hope I am just being paranoid. And that behind the next fluffy cloud is clear blue skies. I hope I am turning into my mother, a true worry wort, who knew all too well about tempests behind clouds and predicted them to be behind every fluffy cloud. But just because she predicted it, doesn't mean tempest brewed. I hope my lack of sleep is making me grumpy and pessimistic and that life is brighter on the horizon than I expect. I hope.
I hate worrying. I am giving myself a headache for the past few days because I am just worrying all the time. Even though I am exhausted I have trouble sleeping because I am just worrying. It's so dumb. I am normally not much of a worry-er. I live by a "Don't worry be happy" / "Tout est bien qui fini bien" attitude most of the time. My husband describes me as "Care Free". He is the worry-er in our family. Not me.
As I am waiting for my cards to fall, the only comfort I can find is in Prayer and Song. And maybe it is the hormones speaking, but I can't help but get choked up every time I hear this song lately:
Be Still My Soul
1. Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In ev’ry change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav’nly Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In ev’ry change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav’nly Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
2. Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.
3. Be still, my soul: The hour is hast’ning onTo guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.
I wish my soul would be more still. I know that no matter what happens my Heavenly Father will not abandon me. But it's like when someone pretends like they are going to throw a ball at your face, but they catch it before it's out of their arms reach.... you still flinch, even if you know they aren't going to actually hit you in the face with a ball. This is me... flinching... and hoping I don't get nailed in the face with a ball.
With that insane metaphor, its time for me to go to sleep. But not until I leave you with some pictures....
5 comments:
I had to check out your blog before I went to bed. Yes, it is easy to feel like something bad is right around the corner, yet not know what it is. One thing to remember is, fear is the opposite of faith. When we have faith, that no matter what happens, we will be okay, then life will be okay. I hope you find some peace and solace, so you can rest, and be ready for the bright future life holds.
You should have called me! It's 1 am and I'm waiting for that last batch of peaches to finish canning.... No worries... You're a mom of two now, that means twice the worry! I hope you get some rest!
I TOTALLY know how you feel. I'm a stress ball. And, right now, with everything so great, it's hard and scary when I let myself think about something happening and it all going away. I just have to tell myself to stop it stop it stop it because otherwise I'll miss out on the right here, right now, perfect moments.
I love you.
this was really good to read, mirm. I've had major paranoia/worry set in with this pregnancy and people tell me that it either never goes away or will get worse. great. seriously life is so different with constant worry. I've thought a lot about these things you talked about.....how are you supposed to find the silver lining with so much worry in your heart, or how are you supposed to see the beauty in the world, or trust people? I hope you don't get pegged in the face with a ball, too. : ) i will pray for you!!! hopefully you will either be comforted by the spirit or those hormones will calm down!! love you!
THANK YOU for this!!! I totally needed to hear exactly this. Life sure was going pretty dandy (and frankly it still is and keeps getting better) but there have been so many challenging days for me lately as a mother and with my kids that I can't seem to get a handle on!
Thanks for the reminder that this too shall pass.
Hope everything is going alright for you!
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